


Cake and Chemistry

by Brenna_Fae, DaydreamDestiel



Series: Life Goes On [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AU, Anal Sex, Bottom Dean, Casual Sex, Charlie Ships It, College AU, College Student!Cas, Endverse!Cas, F/M, Human Castiel, M/M, Misunderstandings, Oral Sex, Recreational Drug Use, Single Dad!Dean, Supportive Sam, Top Castiel, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester, Uncle Sam, pre story minor character death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-08
Updated: 2017-09-08
Packaged: 2018-12-25 11:28:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,557
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12034932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Brenna_Fae/pseuds/Brenna_Fae, https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaydreamDestiel/pseuds/DaydreamDestiel
Summary: Dean would do anything for his son. Since his wife died, Ben had become Dean’s entire world. That didn’t mean that the idea of spending the day surrounded by a bunch of sugar hyped kids and their on the prowl parents didn’t sound like torture. Never mind the fact that his way too smart kid was taking after his Uncle Sammy and had begged and pleaded for a science themed party that was sure to leave Dean feeling like an idiot.When Dean laid eyes on the ‘Mad Scientist’ in his incredibly nerdy bright gold suspenders and bowtie suddenly he couldn’t remember why he didn’t want to be there in the first place. Sure, the runner’s body poorly hidden by his costume and the striking blue eyes that kept catching Dean looking didn’t hurt at all. But it was the fact that he read Dean like a book and immediately removed Dean’s fear of looking dumb in his son’s eyes that really hooked him.





	Cake and Chemistry

**Author's Note:**

> Brenna_fae: I am incapable of writing short porn without plot. That is all.
> 
> DaydreamDestiel: *sigh* Same. Lol. Leave us some love anyway?

 

Ben was practically bouncing off the walls and it was only ten to seven in the morning. Dean tiredly watched him race around the living room while he chugged too-hot coffee and tried not to fall asleep standing in the kitchen doorway. Officially, Ben had been five for a few days now, but today was the big party. The one Sam’d had the idea to book for his one and only nephew.

“Dad! Dad!” Ben called out as he suddenly came to a stop, face flushed with excitement. “Did Uncle Sam tell you that the science guy was gonna make a volcano explode?”

“Yep. And I heard it from you about ten more times since then.” Dean said fondly.

“Well it’s _exciting.”_ Ben said with a roll of his eyes.

“Sure is.” Dean agreed.

Eventually Ben settled down enough for Dean to relax a little before they needed to be at the museum. Luckily for him there wasn’t a lot of prep involved. The Science Center was providing everything including a cake. For which he was eternally grateful because while Dean was an excellent cook, for some reason those skills didn’t seem to translate over to the baking side of things.

While he watched Ben play, Dean tried to get himself ready for a day filled with screaming, loud laughter and probably some tears. From the kids, not him. Ben’s birthday parties did tend to leave him a little melancholy by the time the day wound down, but he hadn’t cried since the first year they’d lost Lisa.

Things hadn’t ever been really easy for the two of them, parents at nineteen, which might’ve been technically grown up, but it’d still been a rude awakening. They’d gone from partying every weekend to diapers and bills that piled up faster than they could pay, but they’d made do. Dean’d really thought they had things under control for the most part. That things would work out for them.

Like pretty much everything tended to for Dean, just when he thought things were going good, life screwed him right the fuck over. A car accident when she was driving home from work and suddenly, two year old Ben didn’t have a mom. Dean lost someone he loved, depended on. It’d taken him a long time to crawl his way back out of the dark place that’d left him in.

Now, three years later, he still missed Lisa like crazy but the pain was dulled. It didn’t hurt the same way it used to, like he couldn’t take a full breath without choking on it. Ben helped, probably more than he’d ever know. He kept Dean busy, didn’t give him time or space to get lost in the past because he had this kid to raise. This kid who deserved everything, who’d lost just as much as Dean had. So Dean would put up with a little auditory punishment with a smile on his face in exchange for the joy on Ben’s.

\---

Saturday afternoon parties were Cas’s favorite to host. He was fresher than he was on Sunday, definitely less hung over and running on more sleep. Not that Cas wasn’t just as awesome at his job when he was hungover, he _was_ a professional afterall. It was just more enjoyable when he wasn’t. You’d have thought that after almost four years of this job to put himself through university, Cas would’ve learned that drinking (and often smoking a certain less than legal substance) on Saturday nights was a bad idea.

You’d be right. He’d definitely learned that, but he was midway through the last semester of his undergrad and he deserved one night a week to relax with his friends and be irresponsible. He’d gladly pay for his sins on Sunday if it meant he got to bang a few gongs Saturday night. More than most Saturdays, he was absolutely looking forward to some metaphorical gong-banging tonight. Last weekend he’d had to skip out to study for a big test on Tuesday, so he had double the stress to relieve. All he had to do was one more birthday party and then he’d be free for the night.

Cas loved his job, don’t get him wrong. Teaching kids about science while they played and had a great time was pretty rewarding. Stressful sometimes, but rewarding in general. He was all set up for his 2:30 party, room ready, his pale blue dress shirt tucked into his dark jeans, gold bow-tie and matching suspenders on. His hair was probably a mess, but it was never neat anyway and he didn’t have time to try and finger comb it into submission.

He was waiting in the lobby, sure he had everything as perfect as it could get when the birthday boy and his dad walked through the door. Only Cas felt suddenly unprepared. You just- there was no way to prepare for that kind of good looking to be all up in your space all of a sudden. Not that a few feet away counted as his space normally, but it felt like a lot less when he was faced with too-amused green eyes and stubble and full pink lips and tall- really tall. And Cas should really… this was the part where he was supposed to introduce himself. Any minute now.

Finally his brain spluttered back online as his cheeks flooded with heat, “Hi, you must be Dean and Ben? I’m Cas, your party host. Welcome to the Science Center.”

Wow, someone should really revoke any smooth operator points that Cas had ever accumulated, because suddenly he felt like the most obvious dork on the planet. It couldn’t have possibly been more obvious that he’d been checking Dean out.

“Sure are.” Dean said and for all that was good in the world, why?

Rough and low, Dean’s voice was just unfair. Cas didn’t deserve this kind of torture. He was a generally good person if not a little morally ambiguous when it came to rule breaking.

“Great!” Cas said cheerfully, “Hi, Ben. Are you ready for some really cool experiments and junk food and cake?”

“Yeah!” Ben exclaimed enthusiastically and Dean chuckled.

“Me too.” Cas replied, and yeah, maybe he could do this. Just focus on the kids and being a good party host. “Why don’t we get you two set up in the room and then I’ll come wait for your guests.”

Ben was already off and running towards the door Cas had gestured to but Cas noticed his dad was hanging back a bit, shuffling his feet. Clearly he was working up to saying something and a not small part of Cas’s brain, and body if he was being honest, hoped he was about to be hit on. Which was ridiculous. For one thing Dean was very obviously sporting a shiny band of metal on his left ring finger.

“So, Cas.” Dean started before he cleared his throat. “Ben, he’s crazy smart, even for a five year old. And _man_ does he ask lots of questions.”

“Perfectly normal for a five year old, I assure you.” Cas said with a soft smile.

“No… I mean yeah I know that but ah…” Dean paused again, his cheeks flooded with color that Cas could quickly become addicted to if given the chance. “Look, this whole thing was set up by Sammy, my little brother. He’s the brains in the family. I’m… I’m not real great with things like science. Ben’s probably gonna be asking stuff I don’t know.”

“Dean, there’s no shame in not having all the answers. Especially in a field like Science. That’s what I’m here for.” If only Cas’s brain moved as fast as his mouth he’d still be able to claim that he was a professional. “Besides, I’m sure a man like you has plenty of other talents.”

Cas nearly choked on his own breath when what he'd actually said finally registered. Sure he hadn’t _meant_ for it to sound like a come on. He’d truly meant to point out that everyone had value to society. But judging by the way Dean’s eyes widened, Cas wasn’t the only one that registered the innuendo.

Thankfully Cas was saved by the sound of rubber soles as they squeaked across the polished floor.

“Dad! You gotta come see! The cake is an _actual_ volcano and the lady says it’s gonna smoke ‘n everything! And there’s this big metal jug thingy that she says has stuff that makes ice cream in just a few seconds. Without a freezer or anything!”

Dean was already being tugged towards the door and away from Cas, who seemed to be glued to the spot.

“The lady would be ‘lab assistant’ Meg,” Cas said, then dropped his hands quickly when he realized he’d actually done the stupid air quote thing Meg always gave him shit for. “If she’s there already she can give you the rundown and I’ll just… wait here for the rest of your guests.”

Dean looked like he wanted to say something but at his son’s insistent tugging he merely nodded with an apologetic smile before he disappeared through the door. With a deep steadying breath, Cas resolved to pretend that his little slip had never happened and instead focused on the fact that he only had to get through the next four hours before he’d never have to see the greek god that he’d made a complete fool of himself in front of again.

Much to his amazement, because really things never worked out so easily for him, the rest of the time flew by without incident. The kids and their adult companions flooded in soon after and Cas quickly slipped into his mad scientist routine. He was secretly pleased when he noticed that Dean stared at him with the same fascination and open awe as the children while he demonstrated the different ‘museum approved’ experiments. Dean seemed to be particularly enraptured by the rainbow flames. Cas would put money on the fact that if asked why Dean liked it he would give some dumbed down answer about burning shit being cool but Cas didn’t miss that Dean listened and digested every word when Cas explained the different powdered chemicals used to produce each color while the kids mostly just looked on in a fire induced daze.

Cas only felt a little guilty about the many little pyros he knew he created every time he did this particular demo.

Midway through, Cas thought he’d screwed up again when a 6’4” Thor lookalike joined the party and Dean introduced him as his ‘little’ brother. Cas couldn’t help his mumbled comment about how unfair it was that one family got all the sexy genes as he turned away. For a moment he thought that he’d been overheard when their voices dropped off behind him but a quick glance over his shoulder proved they’d just leaned in to speak in hushed tones.

Even though things had gone well, Cas had never been so grateful for a party to be over. As the last guest left, sticky hand reluctantly gripped by the adult they were with as they were pulled from the display of sparkly geodes, he was already mentally calculating exactly how long it would take him to shower and change in the staff room before he could book it to the nearest bar. Four hours of trying very hard not to mentally undress Dean Winchester had Cas ready for a stiff drink, something medicinal and a mutually beneficial relieving of stress in a warm, writhing body.

A body that was definitely _not_ the very married father of one of his little customers.

A gentle touch to his hand brought Cas back to the present. He looked down and found the customer in question smiling up at him as he held out an envelope.

“Dad said to give this to you and to say thank you. We had so much fun.” Ben said with a big smile and eyes that were still dancing with energy.

Curiously, Cas took the envelope and glanced around the room, sought out the dad in question. His brow creased as he frowned, unable to locate Dean.

“Ben, where’s your dad?” Cas asked as he glanced briefly into the envelope which enclosed a generous tip, before he tucked it into his pocket.

“Oh he’s out by the front doors with Uncle Sam. I’m ‘sposed to go out there after I give you the mail.” Ben said as he turned to head for the door to the party room.

Great, Cas had made Dean so uncomfortable that he didn’t want to get stuck talking to him without an audience even just long enough to say thank you. Still…

“Ben, Miss Meg will walk you out to your dad and make sure you find him okay” Cas said as he nodded in Meg’s direction.

Meg rolled her eyes, clearly ready to be off duty herself, but at one pleading look from Cas she plastered on her work smile and took Ben by the hand. Most of the party mess was left for the cleaning staff and since he was officially off duty, Cas headed out the staff exit of the party room to start preparations for his impending night of debauchery.

\---

“Sammy, I said no. He’s gonna be hitting the wall soon when all that sugar and excitement finally leaves his system. You _know_ how he gets when that happens and I’m not inflicting that on you. It's the weekend, you should be enjoying your time, or at the very least making up for all the sleep you don’t get during the week when you're swamped with classes and homework.” Dean said as he and Sam waited for Ben by the front door.

He would’ve liked to have gotten one last chance to be completely drawn in by those gorgeous blue eyes that made you feel like you were the most important person on the planet when they were focused on you but Sam had been insistent that he needed a word with Dean away from Ben. Dean was grateful that Sam had thought to ask him about taking Ben back to his apartment for a sleepover privately. He’d always been respectful of Dean as a father and would never put Dean in a position to look like the bad guy in Ben’s eyes. Didn’t mean that Sam wouldn’t argue with Dean when he felt it was necessary.

“Dean, you need a break, man. Between all the extra hours you’ve put in to pay for the party, which you should’ve let me help with since it was my idea, and still trying to make sure Ben spends just as much time with you as always, you ran yourself ragged. Nevermind how draining I know you find these things and fending off the more insistent moms that don’t seem to care about your little pretend wedding band.”

“It’s not pretend, Sammy.” Dean growled as he absently rubbed the smooth metal.

“Yeah, I know it’s your real ring but we both know you don’t wear it for Lisa anymore. And that’s great. No one was happier when you started to get back out there. So don’t act like I hurt your feelings with the truth. But speaking of getting back out there, when was the last time you got laid Dean?”

“That’s a little personal, doncha think Sammy?” Dean asked with a frown.

“For you, not really. You have no problem giving me every last detail of every single one night stand you have. Which is how I know it's been a while.” Sam answered as he raked his fingers through his hair in a clear sign of frustration.

“I’ve been busy Sam. I’ve gone longer without getting laid than this, I’ll survive.” Dean said while he looked around the room for Ben and was absolutely _not_ hoping to catch a glimpse of the gorgeous man he’d happily break his dry spell with if he didn’t have Ben.

“Not since that first year, man.” Sam said softly.

Dean whipped his gaze back to Sam when he realized the truth of that statement.

“Let me take Ben, Dean. We’ll be fine. I’ll force feed him something green to soak up all the junk and we’ll spend the rest of the night watching cartoons.” Sam pleaded as he rested a hand on Dean’s shoulder. “Go find a bar and get drunk. Find someone to bang into the mattress, or vice versa if you’re feeling inclined. Just get out there and have _one_ night where it’s just about _you._ ”

“Sam, you’ve literally spent hours lecturing me on drowning myself in booze and easy sex and now you’re saying I should dive in?” Dean questioned with a raised brow.

“Hey, it’s not like I’m an abstinence spouting virgin. But moderation is important. And your moderation game’s been way too strong lately. Please?” Sam landed the final blow by pulling full on puppy eyes and Dean knew he’d lost.

“Fine. But when he has you up at the ass crack of dawn, don’t you dare call me complaining.” Dean grumbled.

“Wouldn’t dream of it. With any luck you’ll spend all morning recuperating.” Sam said with a grin before his eyes moved up to a point over Dean’s shoulder. “Ben! Hey, guess what! Party isn’t over yet. You and me are gonna have a sleepover!”

When Dean turned to look back toward where Ben was coming from he was more than a little disappointed to see that he was being accompanied by the dark haired assistant..Meg? and not the mad scientist himself.

Not that it mattered. It wasn’t like Dean was about to ask him out for a night of drinking and hot, sweaty, make me scream from your cock alone, sex. Guy like that, gorgeous, funny _and_ insanely smart? Definitely had someone already. Maybe a string of someones, all much more Cas’s level than Dean was for sure.

Ben ran squealing into his uncle’s arms, clearly excited about spending some quality time with him. Dean couldn’t help feel a little guilty. He knew Sam would love to have a more prominent role in Ben’s life. As it was, Sam spent hours with the two of them every week, even with all the hours he had to put in for school. But Dean had a habit, one he was well aware of, of monopolizing Ben’s time. He just couldn’t justify not being there every second he was able to in a possibly misguided attempt to make up for Ben's lack of two parents.

Even when Dean occasionally went out to hook up, he’d have the babysitter come over after Ben’s bedtime and was always home, alone, long before Ben ever woke up. Most nights Ben hadn’t even known Dean’d been gone.

As Dean watched the two most important people in his life plot in hushed voices he resolved then and there to loosen up a bit on the reigns with Ben. He needed to build stronger relationships with other people. Being Ben’s whole world might ease Dean’s own guilt but god forbid something were to happen to Dean like it’d happened to Lisa and then where would Ben be?

Abruptly he shook himself out of the funk that that line of thinking brought up and moved in to loop an arm around Ben’s waist, tugged him gently out of Sam’s arms.

“C’mon kiddo, give me a hug so you can run off with Uncle Moose and start with whatever secret plans you two were just whispering about.” Dean said, his voice a little gruffer than he’d 've liked to admit.

So he was a little overly attached to his kid. Sue him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Dad!” Ben said as he gave Dean a distracted squeeze before he wiggled to get down.

Dean’s heart clenched a little while he watched Ben so easily walk off hand in hand with Sam and not for the first time he wondered if his laser focus on Ben was more for himself than his son. It sure looked like Ben was barely even phased by the thought of being away from Dean.

The tightness in his chest disappeared in the blink of an eye when Ben stopped all of a sudden and turned to look back at Dean.

“Thank you so much for today. I had so much fun. It was the bestest birthday ever.” Ben paused for a moment and Dean didn’t miss the slight tremor of his bottom lip, all Dean’d needed to see in order to realize it wasn’t quite as easy for Ben to leave him as he’d thought. “I love you as big as the moon, Daddy.”

“I love you as bright as the sun, buddy.” Dean responded before Sam and Ben walked out the doors.

A quick pat of his pockets revealed he’d left his phone behind, so Dean turned back toward the party room and nearly jumped out of his skin because Meg was standing less than a foot behind him.

“Ahhholy shit! You need a bell or something lady!” Dean said before the lift of a delicate brow caused him to police his tone. “Sorry uh, you just… I wasn’t expecting… phone. I forgot my ph-”

Dean was cut off by Meg as she lifted the phone she held in her hand up to Dean’s face. Dean’s phone.

“Umm, thanks.” Dean said. He scrubbed the back of his neck with one hand while he took his phone in the other.

“No problem Mr. Winchester.” Meg said with a smirk before she glanced at the doors behind him. “Looks like Dad has the night off, huh?”

“Oh, yeah. My brother’s an undergrad at Stanford so he doesn’t get to spend much time with Ben.”

No way was Dean gonna admit to Meg the real reason his brother had insisted on taking Ben.

“Ready to paint the town red with the missus then?” Meg asked.

Dean almost asked her what she was talking about before he remembered the band on his finger.

“Oh, um no… this… um, just me.” Dean mumbled as he shoved his phone in his pocket, eyes glued to the floor before something occurred to him. “Oh, hey. I’m not real familiar with the area. There anywhere around here that serves decent drinks and has a good crowd but isn’t overrun?”

“Oh I know just the place.” Meg said as her face split with a wide grin.

Dean was certain he imagined the sparkle of mischief in her eyes that was there and gone in a second.

\---

The last of his tension finally left Cas as he settled onto his favorite stool at the bar. Music and laughter from the small but crowded raised dance floor rolled over him and he soaked up the familiarity. As he waited for the bartender to make her way over Cas gave himself a final check. He'd changed out of his work get up and into snug black jeans, a white button up with the top few left undone and a fitted wine colored waistcoat. Just as he finished straightening his collar and gave up his hair as a lost cause, his favorite redhead appeared in front of him.

“Hey nerd.” Charlie said fondly as she slid his drink in front of him.

So ready for it that he was practically weeping with it, Cas picked up his tumbler which was definitely over poured and took a long sip, relished the burn of the whiskey as it slid down his throat and settled as a happy warmth in his belly.

“Hey geek.” Cas said, a wide grin on his lips. “How’s your evening going Queenie?”

“Considering it's just gotten started, incredibly long. Bunch of frat boys decided to come slumming and just couldn’t understand the idea that ‘I don’t like dicks, I like pussy.’ was a good reason to stop bothering their stunningly gorgeous bartender.” Charlie said, her usually peppy voice heavy with irritation.

Instantly, Cas’s face hardened as he glanced around the room.

“Point them out, Charles and I’ll make sure they don’t bother you again.”

“Heel, my knight in shining waistcoat.” Charlie said with a teasing grin. “No sooner had the beasts set upon your fair, and entirely capable of defending herself, Queen, than did a lovely handmaiden appear. With flashing eyes the color of sparkling emeralds, and plush lips housing a sharp tongue they did dispatch the wicked creatures.”

She beamed a little brighter when Cas relaxed with a chuckle and took another sip of his drink. You could take the LARPer out of Moondor but you couldn’t take Moondor out of the LARPer.

“Lucky for you I happen to have a particularly good strain all rolled up and ready to go. When’s your next break?” Cas asked as he absently patted the tin in his pocket protecting his ‘medication’. “Unless of course you plan to spend it giving your fair handmaiden their royal reward.”

When Charlie responded with a scrunched up nose, Cas was a little surprised.

“Little too much penis for my taste, though as pretty as he is, I’d almost make an exception. Bet those lips and tongue are good at more than just telling off meatheads.” Charlie smirked.

Now Cas was _really_ surprised. Charlie’d always been a very firm Kinsey six. Even the one time they’d gotten ridiculously high and had a threesome with some girl who LARPed as a fairy in Charlie’s kingdom her focus (and hands) had been entirely on the woman between them. Even when she’d kissed Cas at the girls behest she couldn’t stop giggling, said it was like sticking her tongue into air, not gag inducing but didn’t do a damn thing for her. Luckily Stoned Cas wasn’t easily offended.

Like Charlie read the thoughts behind Cas’s wide eyed expression, she asked, “What?” with a shrug. “Believe it or not there are men out there prettier than you, princess. A fact I’m sure you’ll agree with.”

Her eyes had focused on something over Cas’s shoulder as she spoke and she gestured towards the crowd on the dance floor with her head before she headed down to take a drink order from one of the waitresses. Cas turned on his stool and scanned the area she'd indicated. At first he didn’t notice anyone out of the ordinary, most of the people familiar faces, some intimately familiar. Then the bodies that were writhing to the music shifted again and Castiel felt all the air leave his lungs in a whoosh.

Out there on the dance floor, hips moving serpentine, skin shining with sweat, with the firm ass of a woman pressed to the front of his tight blue jeans and the likely firm cock of a man grinding against his ass, was the married dad that Cas’d been trying not to lust over at a five year old’s birthday party.

“Shit.” Castiel found the breath to gasp.

“What’s that Cassie?”

At Charlie’s sudden reappearance beside him, Cas jumped a mile.

“I-uh… he…” Cas stuttered.

“Told ya he was pretty.” Charlie smugly said. “He’s got you speechless, that’s impressive!”

“No… he. He was at his kid’s birthday party at work today.” Cas said, then frowned. “Though his spouse wasn’t there. I’m guessing they aren’t here either.”

“Spouse?” Charlie asked, confused though Cas barely even heard her speak.

“But maybe he’s got an open marriage. I mean, who am I to judge. I’ve had partners before that have been married. Heck I’ve been with married couples before.”

“Yeah… but I didn’t-” Charlie started to speak but Cas was already grabbing her arm and pulling her toward the door.

Within a minute Cas was leaning against the brick of the building, his head tipped back as he let out a stream of smoke from the joint he’d just lit.

“You gonna tell me what’s up Cas?” Charlie pushed as she took the joint from Cas and drew in a hit of her own.

“I just… I didn’t even think that he might be a possibility at work ‘cause of the ring. Nevermind that I was pretty sure he was straight, though either he’s extremely comfortable with his sexuality or he’s definitely _not_ straight with the way Zeke was practically fucking his ass in there.” Cas paused long enough to take another hit before he continued on. “But now that I know he might be an option I still don’t know if I should go there. I mean, I like kids. I’ve got to with my job. But kids are messy. Especially when I’ve met the kid. And the _brother!_ Oh god, the brother. It’s like their parents set up their own little greek god making factory or something.”

“Jeez Cas, if it’s stressing you out that much then just don’t go there. It’s not like there aren’t at least a dozen different people in there that would love to hop in the sack with you.” Charlie said as she shook her head at the joint being held out to her. “You’re right, that shit’s strong and I’ve got way too many hours left on this shift.”

“I’ll take a hit if you’re sharing.” a new, but uncomfortably familiar, _oh god it’s gonna kill me,_ voice sounded.

Cas looked up wide-eyed at Dean, whose eyes got equally round when he did. Clearly Dean hadn’t recognized him until just then.

“Sorry.” Mumbled Dean, “I, ah, saw Charlie come out and she’d mentioned something about a friend coming by who was usually carrying and didn’t mind sharing. Didn’t realize it was, um, you.”

After that, Dean seemed to have trouble meeting Cas’s eyes, so Cas couldn’t help but wonder if Dean really wasn’t into him and that his awkward response to Cas’s unintentional innuendo was continuing now. He contemplated how to give Dean an easy out, make it clear that Cas wasn’t looking for sexy time with him, even if his dick protested just the thought of saying that. Thankfully, Charlie managed to save the day when she rolled her eyes and plucked the joint from Cas’s fingers to hand to Dean.

“I gotta head back in before Bela comes out bitching ‘cause I left her alone too long. You guys finish that up and then get your groove on or something.” Charlie started moving around the corner to head back inside before she threw deuces over her shoulder. “See you inside, bitches!”

It was uncomfortably quiet as Dean lifted the joint to his lips and Cas forced himself to look away so he could avoid popping an inappropriate boner from watching those lips suck on _anything._ The minutes ticked by in silence as they passed back and forth ‘til the joint was nearly spent. Just when Cas thought that they would end up not saying a word to each other Dean broke the silence.

“Look, I know this is awkward as hell, what with you hanging out with my kid and little brother all day but you’re really fucking hot. And since Charlie mentioned earlier that the friend with the pot would probably want to jump my bones because I was totally ‘his type’ I’m gonna assume that you swing my way. So, you wanna, I dunno, go dance with me and see where it goes from there?”

Cas’ half hard dick filled out far too quickly at the suggestion that things had a potential of going somewhere, and god did he need to get laid if that was all it took to get him at attention. He was about to take Dean up on his offer, ready to give him a taste of what it could be like if they found a bed and themselves in a lot less clothing but when he looked up he noticed something wrong as Dean lifted the joint to his lips to finish it off. Something wrong with his hand, and it was like someone shoved ice down his pants.

\---

Dean was _one hundred percent sure_ he was about to secure a really fucking good night when Cas looked up at him with hooded eyes and pupils that were far more dilated than the low light called for. But out of nowhere those gorgeous blue eyes that Dean wanted nothing more than to stare into as he screamed out his orgasm turned hard.

Caught totally off guard, Dean didn’t have a chance to fully take in the change in his features before Cas was shouldering around him with a mumbled “No thanks.”

He stood there for a few moments and tried not to cringe as the metal doors of the club clanged shut. For the life of him, Dean couldn’t figure out what the hell’d just happened.

The sudden sting to his fingertips as the cherry of the joint he held reached them jolted Dean out of his confused state. Once he'd spent a little bit trying to ignore the cold greasy feeling of rejection that settled into the pit of his stomach, he headed back in. First up, he needed another drink. Second, he was gonna go in search of his earlier dance partners, certain that either one of them would be more than happy to screw ‘til dawn.

Unfortunately the only empty spot at the bar when Dean came back in was right next to the guy that’d rejected him. If that wasn’t just a kick in the nuts when he was already down. Still, Dean wasn’t gonna let anything get in the way of his liquor. Definitely not a nerdy little asshole with really fucking hot sex hair and… anyway, alcohol.

Dean mustered up all his confidence and walked up to the bar, completely ignored Cas as he waved down the British chick that was working the bar with Charlie. As he waited though, Dean noticed a mirror that ran the length of the liquor shelf behind the bar. It was mostly blocked by bottles but there was just enough space that he couldn’t help but catch the daggers Cas kept shooting in his direction.

By the time his drink was set in front of him, Dean was completely on edge. He took a long swig before he brought the glass down hard on the bar, pleased to see Cas jump at the sudden sound. He turned towards Cas and returned his glare.

“What the hell’s your problem man? Look, I thought you were into me but obviously you weren’t. Nothing to get your panties in a twist over.” Dean growled a little louder than he’d intended.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dean caught a glimpse of red moving closer to his end of the bar.

“My _problem_ Mr. Winchester.” Cas sneered. “Is that I’m not big on cheaters and liars.”

“Excuse me?” Dean asked incredulously as his blood boiled to a dangerous level.

“There’s no excuse for people like you.” Cas shifted on his stool as he spoke, moved into Dean’s personal space a little more than he cared for from someone he wanted to punch. “I figured, hey, not the first person in an open marriage. Nice, easy, no strings. But the only people who take their wedding rings off when they go out to get laid are people who are cheating on their spouses and looking to deceive the people they’re hooking up with. So, no, _Mr. Winchester._ I’m not ‘into you’”

From how fast the fight was sucked out of him, Dean was almost dizzy because now that he realized where the misunderstanding was coming from, he couldn’t help but grin. No way would Cas be this pissed if he _hadn’t_ been interested. Of course smiling seemed to confuse Cas but the cute way (no, not cute. Sexy. Cute means feelings. Sexy is for hook ups) he tilted his head and squinted his eyes only made him smile wider.

“I’m glad you think adultery is humorous, Dean.” Cas mumbled as he turned to pick up his glass and take a drink.

A touch smugly, Dean lifted his left hand and held it up in front of Cas’s face.

“Look at it, Cas. Look how tan the back of my hands are compared to my palms.” Dean slowly turned his hand when Cas finally looked, showed him both sides. “Now look at my ring finger. No tan line.”

When Cas only squinted harder and started to shake his head Dean cut him off before he could argue.

“Feel it, Cas.” Dean said as he dropped his hand to rest next to Cas’s on the bar. Cas didn’t move, so Dean nudged his fingers. “C’mon, feel it. No indentation.”

For a second Cas looked like he wanted to refuse but his hand still moved to lightly run a finger across Dean’s. When he didn’t find a telltale mark on his flesh he just shrugged.

“Doesn’t mean anything. Maybe you take it off for your job. Maybe you cheat so much that you have it off more than on. Doesn’t mean anything.” Cas repeated and downed the rest of his drink.

And Dean, well, he couldn’t believe what he was about to do. This was so beyond what an easy hook up merited and it felt pretty awful thinking even a little that he was about to use what happened to Lisa to get in someone’s pants. But if he was being honest with himself it wasn’t about that anymore. Well, not _all_ about that.

“Shit.” Dean swore softly before he drank his own drink in one big gulp. “You got a smartphone with data, Cas?”

When Cas nodded, Dean gave himself another moment to change his mind before he continued on.

“Take it out.” Dean waited as Cas reluctantly pulled out his phone and Dean valiantly tried to ignore the flex of thigh muscles under skin tight denim. “Google Lisa Winchester.”

Saying her name out loud was still a punch to the gut. The only difference was that he wasn’t left breathless with pain anymore. He watched Cas’s face as he tapped on his phone and saw the moment Cas got it. His eyes widened and the harsh lines of anger softened.

Dean didn’t need to look at the phone to know what the first few results were if you googled his deceased wife’s name. The accident had made all the local news stations. You had to go all the way to page two to find Ben’s birth announcement, their wedding announcement, Lisa’s Facebook page.

“Dean I-” Cas started before Dean cut him off.

“Don’t Cas. It’s okay. You didn’t know. Lisa was Ben’s mom. We lost her a long time ago. But after one bad experience dating one of the single moms from Ben’s playgroup I swore off dating anyone that I met because of Ben. Unfortunately that didn’t mean that they swore me off. So to cut down on the uncomfortable attempts at picking me up I started wearing my wedding ring again, but only to activities where Ben’s friends and their moms would be.” Dean finished with a tight discomfort in his chest. This was way more than he would usually share with anyone he didn't know that well.

“Like a birthday party.” Cas said softly, face still turned down toward his phone.

“Yeah Cas,” Dean responded with a small smile. “Like a birthday party.”

“You met me at a birthday party.” Cas said as the frown returned to his face.

“True, but Ben isn’t likely to lose his best friend because his Dad banged the hot mad scientist from his birthday party.” Dean said with a grin. When Cas’ eyes finally left the screen and flew up to meet Dean’s, Dean leaned in to whisper into Cas’s ear. “Though truth be told I’d much rather it be the mad scientist that was doing the banging. Pounding me into the mattress ‘til I can’t breathe. He’s pretty smart, I bet he could even get me coming on just his cock.”

Cas was a flurry of movement as he stood abruptly, the stool barely saved from toppling by Dean’s quick hand.

“Charlie! Key! Now!” Cas’s eyes were wide and his tone edging on slightly frantic.

Which was probably why when Dean spotted Charlie she was bent over laughing. That didn’t sit well with Cas though.

“Charlie.” Cas growled in warning and the deep rumble shot straight to Dean’s dick.

Though he definitely didn’t whimper. Definitely.

“Keep your panties on princess.” Charlie said as she wiped her eyes before she plucked a key that hung from a hook under the liquor shelf.

As soon as the key was placed in Cas’s outstretched hand Dean found himself being pulled away from the bar.

“Wait, my bill!” Dean tried to protest.

“Don’t worry, Charlie’s got it.” Cas said as he kept dragging Dean along.

Momentarily, Dean was confused when instead of going out the front door Cas made a sharp right and headed toward a small hall where the bathrooms were. He was about to complain, because while he had nothing against a hand job or a blow job in the bathroom there was no way he was getting fucked there, which is what he really wanted. But then Cas turned to a door marked Employees only. He fumbled with the key briefly before getting the door open and then Dean was being led up an old set of stairs.

At that point Dean was fully ready to accept a stock room as a compromise but Cas flicked on the lights and Dean was met by the sight of a room almost filled with a double bed and a small tableside dresser. Any questions Dean might’ve had about what this room was for were dispelled when Cas made his way to the dresser and grabbed a string of condoms and a bottle of lube from the top drawer, then tossed them on the bed.

“Damn, does the owner know the staff have a fuck room here?” Dean asked with a laugh.

“Of course. Crowley was the one who came up with the list of rules. Technically I’m not supposed to use it unless I’m here with staff but he enjoyed my oral skills and my weed so much, he turns a blind eye to Charlie bending that rule.” Cas said as he started unbuttoning his waistcoat.

“Rules, huh.” Dean said, torn between watching Cas’s nimble fingers and eyeing the bed while he tried not to think of how many people had previously used it and what could be on the sheets.

“Yes, Dean, rules. And rule number one is that the sheets must be replaced with freshly washed bedding. And yes Crowley does random inspections with a black light and anyone caught breaking the rule is terminated from the job.” Cas finished as he slipped the waistcoat off his shoulders and started on his button up.

“Oh. That works for me.” Dean said with a shrug before he gripped the hem of his t-shirt and pulled it off in one swift motion.

Dean wasn’t ashamed to admit that the small gasp of appreciation that came from Cas when the smooth expanse of his skin was revealed did a whole lot to boost his ego. He got the feeling Cas had more than his fair share of choices in partners, so the fact that he was impressed, well, Dean’s confidence, among other things, shot rapidly up.

\---

The corners of Dean’s lips twitched into a self-confident smirk as he reached for his belt buckle and undid it one handed in what had to be the single sexiest move Cas’d ever seen in his whole damn life. A little growl broke free of his control and startled him much more than it seemed to surprise Dean who just coyly bit his plush lower lip and popped the button on his jeans. Oh fuck this, Cas abandoned his attempt to unbutton his shirt and surged forward, pulled Dean into a desperately hot kiss with a hand on the back of his head. God, and Dean went so willingly, lips instantly parted for Cas’s tongue like he was just as keyed-up as Cas was.

Silky and slow, Cas slid his tongue over Dean’s bottom lip, then slipped it into his mouth and tasted the smokey remnants of the whiskey Dean’d been drinking. It might’ve started off slow, but it heated up quickly; Cas pulled out every dirty trick he knew as he pressed Dean back against the door they’d walked through. Slid his hand up through Dean’s hair and got a grip on the longer strands on top, tugged Dean where he wanted him.

Took his time as he licked along Dean’s teeth and sucked on his tongue. Dragged his teeth over the sensitive inside of Dean’s bottom lip until Dean was panting against his mouth and his hips hitched helplessly forward. So damn hot that Cas was intoxicated with it. Loved the way Dean was just giving up whatever he wanted.

He trailed hot biting kisses up the column of Dean’s throat, just shy of hard enough to mark him up and then tongued hotly at his ear. Tight enough to leave fingerprint shaped bruises, Dean’s hands held onto Cas’s biceps as he moaned low and arched his back, pushed himself even closer to Cas. Right up against his ear, Cas whispered, “God, you have no idea, so fucking hot.”

His hand trailed down Dean’s bare torso, over the softness of his belly and down into the open v of his jeans. Hot beneath his palm, was Dean’s incredibly hard soaked-cotton trapped cock. He ground his palm roughly against it and Dean gasped his name. Fuck, he liked that. Probably way too much for what this was, but damn he liked that, “Gonna make you scream my name tonight. So loud the whole bar and half the street’s gonna know exactly who fucked you so good.”

“Yeah,” Dean sighed hotly, “God, wanted this since I saw you in those fucking suspenders.”

Cas smirked as he pulled back far enough to get a good look at Dean’s face, cheeks flushed, lips swollen shiny pink and green eyes bright with lust. A hot pulse of arousal throbbed in his groin, every beat of his heart spurred more blood south and Cas thought he could feel that too. A little drunk and kinda high, but that was nothing to the way he felt as he pushed Dean toward the bed and let himself fall over him. The perfect slutty way Dean instantly spread his legs and drew him in with hands firm on Cas’s ass.

There wasn’t much time after that for any sort of planning on Cas’s part. He just followed his instincts; pressed hot open-mouthed kisses along Dean’s jaw, and neck. Rocked his hips down into Dean’s a few times just to hear the sexy little grunts Dean let out and then he trailed his lips wetly over the ridge of Dean’s collarbone and kissed his way to a dusky pink nipple. Each little gasp and groan Dean let out while Cas sucked and flicked at the sensitive pebbled flesh was like a little rush of heat under Cas’s skin. Ignited an all-over craving to draw more from him.

Unhurried, though he probably ought to be in a hurry considering just where they were, Cas traded one nipple for the other. Scraped his teeth over the tip and then sucked it into his mouth while Dean fisted the sheets and pushed up into it.

“Fuck, fuck, Cas. C’mon. Wanna- Want you to _fucking_ fuck me.” Dean gasped, voice shot to hell.

“Oh, I’m gonna fuck you Dean, trust me. So hard.” Cas promised, all low self-assured heat before he languidly made his way lower, sucked and nipped randomly along the salty skin of Dean’s belly, his hipbones.

“Too many- Cas, pants. Pants off. Now. And your shirt. Just- ah- goddamnit. Naked, okay? Need us to be naked.” Dean practically babbled, looked about a second from self-combusting, sweat at his temples and in the dip above his top lip, a flush that pinked up the tips of his ears, and right down his chest.

And yeah, Dean was right, they definitely had on too many clothes. Loathe as Cas was to give up his slow tease, his own jeans were uncomfortably tight and Dean likely wasn’t faring any better. So Cas nodded and pulled Dean’s jeans and underwear down, lifted his legs up and peeled them the rest of the way off.

Once he’d tossed Dean’s clothes somewhere on the floor, Cas just took a moment to take in all the lightly tanned, gorgeously freckled skin on display. His eyes caught on Dean’s generously sized dick, already shiny and leaking, and his own dick throbbed. Dean squirmed a little under the attention and Cas’s eyes flew up to Dean’s half-lidded gaze.

“You just gonna look or-” Dean licked his lips, “Are you gonna join the party?”

Cas flashed Dean a half-smile as he got with the program and shed his own clothes, “Better?” He asked once he was kneeling, totally bare, between Dean’s legs.

“Fuck, yes.” Dean answered, gaze appreciative while he took his turn to catalogue Cas.

“Good.” Cas murmured and leaned back down over Dean, kissed him hard as he rutted against him just to feel the slide of their sweat-slick skin together.

It was harder than he’d ‘ve thought to pull himself away from Dean’s lips, his body, when he shifted back so his open mouth breathed hot damp air over Dean’s dick. Wanted it in his mouth almost as much as he wanted to get his own dick inside of Dean.

A small voice in the back of his head reminded Cas that he knew better than that. That with all the partners he’d had he’d never once been dumb enough to forget the fact that stds are still a risk with oral sex. That fluid exchange only happened with repeat partners and clean test results. But he wasn’t forgetting. He just had a deep, desperate, _primal_ need to know what Dean tasted like. To let the intoxicating combination of musky flesh and tangy spend light up his senses.

“Cas,” Dean panted, “Please.”

At those two broken begging words, his inner monologue evaporated into nothingness.

Affirmatively, Cas hummed as he closed his lips around the head of Dean’s cock, let his mouth flood with saliva while he flicked his tongue back and forth over his frenulum. Held Dean’s hips down with a strong forearm across them and just made him take it as he blew him sloppy and slow. The salt-bitter taste of Dean filled his senses, made him so damn hard it ached.

Getting his partner off was pretty much Cas’s favorite part of sex, and Dean was playing right into that with the way he wholeheartedly let Cas take control. He got so into it that he lost track of anything beyond the feel of Dean in his mouth, the sounds Dean made. Suddenly, Dean’s hands as they frantically tugged at his hair reminded Cas that he ought to let up if he didn’t want to end things prematurely so he pulled off with a wet slurp that made Dean shudder and jerk his hips.

“Jesus, Cas.” Dean breathlessly said with a soft chuckle. “Cut it kinda close there.”

Cas grinned up at him, “Yeah, you need me to stop for a minute?”

“Fuck no.” Dean said as he spread his legs further, “Want your fingers, then I want you to fuck me. Like I said, wanna come on just your cock.”

Disbelief and liquid hot arousal rode roughshod over Cas’s nerves, “Can you really- I thought that was just dirty talk?”

Then it was Dean’s turn to grin, “I can if I’m worked up enough and you fuck me hard enough. Gotta say, Cas, I’m already well on my way to worked up enough. Think you can handle the fucking me hard part?”

With a growl low in his throat, Cas pushed up and crushed his mouth to Dean’s in a hot, hard, kiss that was nowhere near satisfying enough when the need to prove himself clawed at him, “Fuck yeah I can.”

“So show me.” Dean said cockily as he impatiently rocked his hips up.

Cas didn’t need to be told twice. He lifted Dean up with hands under his thighs and shoved a pillow under his hips right before he grabbed the lube from where it’d rolled up against Dean’s side and uncapped it with a quick flick of his thumb. Slicked up his fingers and got down to work. Gently, he rubbed a finger around Dean’s puckered rim while he sucked dark bruises into Dean’s inner thighs. They both groaned as Cas gradually pushed his finger in and fuck, Dean was furnace hot inside. God, he couldn’t wait to feel all that tight heat around his dick.  

After some experimental pumps and a little more impatience from Dean, Cas pressed a second finger into him, mercilessly sought out his prostate and then targeted it with each push. Felt like he’d burn up with the sexy little sounds Dean let out, whimpers and half bit-off whines that got all tangled up in the ball of lust that coalesced in Cas’s abdomen.

“So fucking hot like this, Dean. All needy and goddamn perfect.” Cas grunted as he drizzled a bit more lube over Dean’s hole and pushed another finger into him, fucked them in and out, again and again. “Should see yourself taking it so damn well.”

In ragged breaths, Dean’s chest rose and fell rapidly, eyes shut up tight, head tipped back. He gripped the sheets tighter as he rocked his body into each shove of Cas’s fingers into him, panted a litany of, _“Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,”_ until Cas gave in and carefully withdrew his fingers.

He reached for the condoms but Dean was already on it. Ripped one off the string and tore it open, handed it to Cas and then watched with half-lidded, dark eyes as Cas rolled it on, lubed himself up. Ignored the new voice, this time telling him how nice it would be to feel all that delicious heat just as bare as the blow job he’d just given.

Steadily, Cas gripped the base of his dick with one hand and soothingly ran his other palm up the inside of Dean’s leg as he lined himself up and pushed into him much more slowly than his body begged him to. God, fuck, Dean was so tight, hot and slick, Cas was almost out of his mind with it. Finally buried in deep as he could get, Cas just took a second to breathe.

“Good?” He asked, and Dean just nodded with lips parted and dark pink, eyes tightly shut.

“Mmm. Gotta use your words, babe. Wanna hear how much you want it.” Cas said teasingly.

“Fuck, Cas, 'm good.” Dean said as his eyes flew open to half-heartedly glare at him. “I want it, c’mon.”

Cas smirked, “Yeah?”

“Yeah. Please, fuck, just fuck me already.” Dean said hotly, voice so rough and needy that a thrill shot down Cas's spine.

So he gave him some little grinding rolls of his hips and when Dean panted his name and rocked up into it, he pulled back and slammed in harder. Really forced every thrust to count, and soon Dean cursed and moaned with every punishing slide of Cas's dick inside of him.

Felt mindblowing good, but Cas's focus was Dean, wanted so fucking bad to see him come without a hand on him, just the idea of it was hot enough to bring Cas way too close to the edge of his own climax. He hitched Dean's right leg up in the crook of his left elbow and angled himself just right to really nail that spot that made Dean arch and groan, louder and louder the closer he was getting.

“Fuck Dean.” Cas mindlessly grunted, “You’re glorious, absolutely-” thrusted roughly in, “absolutely exquisite.”

“God, so good. Ah, fuck. Cas.” Dean breathlessly got out, “So close.”

A feral sort of grin crossed Cas’s lips at those words and he shoved in harder, picked up his pace to the sound of Dean chanting his name. His breaths came in harsh, burning gasps, and it was gonna be nothing but pure damn luck if Dean came before Cas did because as Dean got closer,  his muscles tightened with the strain and that just pulled Cas snug up to the jagged edge.

“Cas-” Dean choked out, fuck yes, as he came in heated white splashes over his own chest while his hips rhythmically jerked with each pulse.

And thank fuck, just thank whoever, because Cas couldn't have held on a second longer if he had a gun to his head, which he didn't so he rocked deep into Dean and let go. Came with a strangled grunt of Dean's name on his lips. Ground himself into him in little circles until the final crest of his orgasm faded into a blissfully warm afterglow.

Satisfied like he almost never was after a one nighter, he let himself bend down and then kissed Dean's puffy pink lips. Licked his way slowly into his mouth and just enjoyed how easy it felt for now, to lose himself in Dean. Almost forgot they were above a bar in a shady backroom. But eventually reality pushed it's ugly face into the little endorphin-induced cocoon of closeness they'd created in the form of a fist that banged on the door and Charlie's voice as it filtered in telling them to wrap it up.

With a deep sigh, Cas wrapped a hand around the base of the condom and pulled gingerly out. Unsurprisingly with the way Cas’d been working him, Dean gave a soft hiss of disapproval at the movement. There was no momentary flash of guilt like Cas would’ve normally experienced when he’d gotten a little too lost in his partner’s body because even if Dean was a little sore, the look of utter satisfaction on his face as he melted back into the mattress was enough to tell Cas that Dean had enjoyed every last body wracking moment.

After he tossed the condom into the trash, Cas pulled open the nightstand, grabbed a package of wet wipes and cleaned himself up. He pulled his pants back on, then took out another wipe and pressed it between his palms to warm it up with his body heat. Unable to resist, Cas leaned over and nuzzled at the neck of the blissed out man spread before him and he couldn’t help but think ahead, to how appealing a repeat performance sounded.

Unfortunately it wouldn’t be tonight. Cas couldn’t help but glare at the door when Charlie rapped on it once again to let him know they’d be closing soon and he’d better get the sheets going in the washer or Crowley would have his ass. He repressed the urge to growl at his friend, if only because he knew she was just trying to help him and instead returned his attention to Dean. Gently, Cas wiped the come from his chest and belly.

They were both quiet, but comfortably so, or at least it seemed that way to him, as he disposed of that wipe, took another and repeated the process of warming it before he gently spread Dean’s legs and massaged the taxed muscles of his thighs before he wiped away the remnants of lube from Dean’s ass.

When Cas was satisfied, he trashed the used wipes and tied up the small bag from the trash can to toss into the dumpster on his way out.  Replaced the bag with a new one from the nightstand and turned to find that Dean had managed to rouse himself and was carefully pulling on his own clothes. The relaxed, almost verging on tender, smile on his face was enough to let Cas know that any aches were more than welcome. The two of them silently stripped the bed and put clean bedding on. Cas gathered up the dirty ones, along with the trash, and they made their way back downstairs.

The bar was almost entirely empty, lights low and the patrons all gone for the night. Charlie and Bela were moving around the room doing some last minute tidying. Charlie only pausing long enough to look up and flash a wink at Cas before she went back to her work.

Whether the two of them had been struck speechless by the intensity of their interlude or words just weren’t necessary, Dean and Cas said their goodbyes wordlessly. A lingering kiss over an armful of wrinkled bedding and then off their separate ways, Dean to the exit and Cas to the room behind the bar where the industrial dishwasher and washer and dryer were kept.

\---

As he made his way back to his car, Dean couldn’t help but cheerfully whistle. Sammy was gonna be unbearable with his ‘I told you so’s but the jerk had been right, Dean’d needed this. Not only did his body feel fantastic but for the first time in months Dean’s mind was completely settled. It wasn’t like this was the first time since Lisa that Dean’d gotten laid. Sex always came easy to Dean. An hour was more than enough time for Dean to pick someone up for a quickie in the back seat.

It was more than that this time though. For once, Dean hadn’t felt like everything was on his shoulders. Beyond the need to be in control, in charge of everything alone, as a single parent. Rushed sex in the back seat was no time to get to know someone enough to put everything in their hands. At best, it was an equal partnership, each person controlling exactly what they were willing to give and take.

Even before Lisa had passed, they may have been partners in parenting but it was Dean who led in the bedroom, Dean who took Lisa apart piece by piece as she willingly put her entire being in his hands. Dean felt a lightening strike of guilt that he was comparing Lisa to a virtual stranger at all, let alone possibly considering there was anything about this that was _better_.

But that wasn’t the case and Dean knew that. He’d still give almost anything to have Lisa back, to be able to make love to her, worship her. It wasn't that it was _better._ It was just that Dean had never really considered that he might want that, let alone that it’d feel so right. Was it something that had always been there, undiscovered? Or was it the partner that brought it out in him?

Either way, as Dean glanced back at the bar one last time before he pulled out of the parking lot, an involuntary smile tugged at the corners of his lips. He thought about how good it’d felt to just let go. How good it’d felt to let Cas just take from his body, to let Cas push him to the edge and over.

When the bar disappeared from view, Dean settled back against the leather seat of his baby and thought of all the other things he’d like to let Cas do to him.


End file.
